CACTUSPEAR.ORG PRESENTS

is the cellar up or down?

my life at macy's

Here are some of the more memorable questions asked at the Information Desk in the women's building:

Arithmetically Challenged

Q. (After being informed that the current street entrance is between the First Floor and the Second Floor) Is the Second Floor up or down?

Q. How long does the One-Day Sale last?
A. Two twelve-hour days.

Unusual Requests

Q. Nervous young man with his wife: paternity clothes

Q. Thirtyish woman, well-dressed and well-spoken: a mafia costume for a theme party

Q. European tourist: a jacket for breaking wind

Other Requests

Macy's Union Square is the biggest department store west of the Hudson River, but it doesn't carry everything. Here's a sampling of some of the requests we got: baby perfume, bronzed baby shoes, collector pocket knife, dog tag, doggie tote bag, henna, hourglass, ladies' long white gloves, laser pointer, Marilyn Monroe Zippo lighter, miniature Harley Davidson, nurse's uniform, oyster shucker, parasol, wedding cake toppers & decorations, wedding tiara, and wet suit.

Store Layout

Q. Shopper on the Fifth Floor: Why are the clothes for twelve-year-old boys next to the ladies' lingerie?

Where's the Bathroom?

I'd hate to have to learn English as a second language. There are at least ten synonyms for "bathroom": boy's/girl's/ladies'/men's/women's room, john, ladies' lounge, lavatory, loo, powder room, restroom, sanitary, toilet, washroom, and water closet.

Difficult Customer

Q. Which floor is the maternity on?
A. I'm sorry, we don't carry maternity in this store.

Q. No, I KNOW you carry maternity here because my sister-in-law's friend bought it in THIS STORE.
A. I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't carry maternity in this store.

Q. (indignant) You mean to tell me you WORK here and you DON'T KNOW where the maternity is?

Lessons learned

Women wear makeup for themselves, for other women, and for men, in that order.

Women will buy anything that has hearts or flowers on it.


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