saturday, december 5, 2015
one of my medical care providers, who is south asian, thinks that caucasians don't get pale when they're sick ...
because they're already pale ...
what's next, red people who can't blush and yellow people who can't have jaundice?
saturday, november 22, 2015
you're supposed to write even when you don't feel like it ...
no wonder there's so much boring, headless, passionless writing
friday, october 16, 2015
in addition to 'in sickness and in health' ...
there should be ...
'in extreme heat as well as bitter cold' ...
'in high water as well as extreme drought'
friday, october 16, 2015
apparently someone in his administration told a dirty joke ...
the perfect headline would have been ...
'blue joke in whitehouse turns faces red'
tuesday, october 13, 2015
will he accept the challenge of surgically separating the 2-headed monster he helped to create by merging religion & politics?
sunday, september 20, 2015
if richard nixon is a used car salesman ...
and gerald ford is the guy who answers the buzzer at the supermarket meat counter ...
then scott walker is a weekend duck hunter ...
no matter how much high-end clothing and equipment he buys ...
he still looks like a guy from the suburbs
tuesday, september 8, 2015
to thoroughly pick a full-size dumpster ...
allow at least two hours
monday, august 31, 2015
scott walker wants to look into the idea of building a wall at the canadian border ...
the great thing about being a blogger in the political season ...
is that you don't have to do any work, any imaginative thinking of your own ...
the politicians do it all for you
friday, august 28, 2015
king john the first wants to ban teachers' lounges ...
the contempt with which some treat ordinary working people is surpassing ...
teachers dare to assert their legal right to bargain for their wages and to earn job security ...
in the minds of some, these are high crimes against the state and the ruling classes
wednesday, august 19, 2015
did i just hear john kasich compare undocumented immigrants ...
to people who crash a taylor swift concert?
wednesday, august 19, 2015
having all the most efficient snipers in the world ...
isn't going to help you ...
the day china & india surpass the united states in gdp ...
when they have the economic upper hand ...
all the movies about sniper heroes aren't going to help you much
tuesday, july 14, 2015
then donald trump is the american pharoah
friday, june 19, 2015
if you emphasize all the wrong words in a sentence ...
you destroy its meaning ...
it's 'ROSES are RED and VIOLETS are BLUE' ...
not 'roses ARE red and violets ARE blue' ...
thank you
tuesday, june 9, 2015
shouldn't be judged by externalities like the gender signage on its door ...
but rather by the quality of its plumbing
wednesday, may 27, 2015
one of our worst anti-democratic impulses ...
is calling everything a war: war on terror, war on crime, war on drugs ...
we use the comparison when we want to expend unlimited public resources with little or no accountability ...
and when we're not in the mood to take civilian, non-combatant casualties into account
tuesday, may 26, 2015
you've heard the aphorism that it's never too late to have a happy childhood ...
in my old age i finally have the chance to do some self-directed home schooling ...
and learn all the things i didn't learn in my formal schooling
tuesday, may 26, 2015
you can only represent nature mathematically
if nature is, in fact, mathematically representable
tuesday, may 12, 2015
leonard cohen, bob dylan, dr john, garrison keillor, kris kristofferson, rod mckuen, lou reed, william shatner, tom waits, neil young
who am i missing?
thursday, april 9, 2015
one of the pitfalls of audiobooks is that "f = ma" may be read as "eff equals ma," as in "ma & pa"
tuesday, march 31, 2015
we all know that you can save money by replacing a worker with a robot ...
but if you really want to save some big bucks ...
you should replace the astronauts with robots
thursday, february 19, 2015
read the book before interviewing ...
if the political & science reporters are required to live & breathe their specialties ...
then the book reviewer should be required to live & breathe books
sunday, february 8, 2015
fractions, percents, ratios & units ...
ideas that used to be taught in middle school ...
if you're uncomfortable with them ...
then leave them out of your articles ...
or have a numerate editor review your work
thursday, february 5, 2015
i'm the only person i know who thinks they're a bad idea
wednesday, february 4, 2015
instead to migrating to mars ...
we could all float above the earth in hot air balloons ...
kept aloft by termed-out windy politicians working in shifts ...
and paid whatever the prevailing minimum wage was in their jurisdiction when they were in office
tuesday, february 3, 2015
people who hike the appalachian or pacific crest trails are treated like romantic heroes or demigods ...
but people who walk the same number of miles while delivering the u.s. mail are considered parasites
saturday, january 31, 2015
captain beefheart, chickenfoot, dewey 'pigmeat' markham, heart, hot tuna, lamb chop, meatloaf, ozzy osborne, phish, pigpen mckernan, whitesnake ...
sunday, january 25, 2015
if you shuffle a deck, some of the cards will move up ...
and others down ...
in a zero-sum way ...
so long as the size of the deck remains the same
monday, january 13, 2015
if you set the cartoonists free ...
pretty soon everyone will want to be free