blog 2011
eccentric observations, cracked opinions, and nonstandard commentary
wednesday, november 30, 2011
security cables
why do people buy thick cables to protect their cheap bicycles ...
and thin cables to protect their expensive laptops?
friday, november 18, 2011
faster than light?
light had better get the lead out ...
thursday, november 17, 2011
sleeping bags a weapon of war?
what's next, panchos over tokyo?
friday, october 21, 2011
so, what do you guys think?
will obama win reelection ...
or will citizen herman make the american public an offer it can't refuse?
thursday, october 6, 2011
unique interview question, not for the faint of heart
(at the berkeley free clinic)
how many slang terms for genitals can you mention in thirty seconds ...
sunday, september 25, 2011
not all conversationalists are created equal
why is it that when you're listening to half a cellphone conversation ...
their half is always wordier than the other half ...
friday, august 12, 2011
too many shallow, one-dimensional patriots
i call them 'popcorn patriots' ...
sunday, july 17, 2011
saddest tweet
pls call me b4 u leave me ...
thursday, july 14, 2011
who's buried in grant's tomb?
who was the first major leaguer to have tommy john surgery?
how many cy young awards does cy young have?
what time does the ball drop on new year's eve?
tuesday, june 14, 2011
two rules for political discourse
(1) never believe anything you hear in an election year, and
(2) every year is an election year ...
friday, may 6, 2011
a parent's dilemma
everyone wants their children to become a success ...
except, of course, by writing a best-selling tell-all book about the dysfunctional family they grew up in ...
thursday, may 5, 2011
a spiritual practice
you need to continually cleanse your body, mind & house ...
of all of the religious rituals, vocabulary & trinkets ...
you never quite get there, but the journey itself is worthwhile ...
sunday, may 1, 2011
artistic license for tattoos
if a barber has to take a hair-cutting test ...
then a tattoo artist should at least have to pass a spelling test ...
sunday, may 1, 2011
on books & flowers
a big bookstore closes ...
but the flower stand outside seems to be doing well ...
who would have thought that perishable flowers would outlast hardcover books ...
saturday, april 9, 2011
law of inverse creativity
the farther you are from your writing den ...
the better your ideas ...
saturday, april 9, 2011
putting together some ideas for my next piece of writing
most of the time i feel like a parent trying to discipline misbehaving children ...
in perpetual damage-control mode ...
people say, 'oh, they are so well-behaved' ...
you should see them when no one's looking ...
sunday, april 3, 2011
holes in your clothes
they're okay, i guess ...
if you didn't put them there yourself ...
friday, march 11, 2011
new age/neo-medieval philosophy
can someone please explain to me why humans are infinitely changeable, infinitely malleable ...
but human institutions are infinitely unchangeable, infinitely inflexible ...
friday, march 11, 2011
new york
i (heartbreak) ny ...
friday, march 11, 2011
a question
if you're a third world dictator ...
who's been lavishly supported by the american taxpayer for decades ...
do you get as part of the deal a villa on the french riviera ...
to escape to in case of a popular uprising ...
or do you have to buy it with your own stolen money?
monday, february 21, 2011
these times
may you live in mildly interesting ...
but not overly fascinating, times ...
friday, january 28, 2011
big words
they clutter the mind, taking up precious space ...
leaving less room for thought ...
friday, january 28, 2011
the workplace
perpetual self-justification ...
by way of the perpetual generation of paperwork ...
sunday, january 23, 2011
endless modern wars
perhaps it would be more accurate to call them 'shooting occupations' ...
thursday, january 20, 2011
proposed headline for the next nra newsletter
breaking news: 6 more people not killed by a handgun in arizona ...