CACTUSPEAR.ORG PRESENTS

blog 2011

eccentric observations, cracked opinions, and nonstandard commentary


wednesday, november 30, 2011

security cables

why do people buy thick cables to protect their cheap bicycles ...

and thin cables to protect their expensive laptops?


friday, november 18, 2011

faster than light?

light had better get the lead out ...


thursday, november 17, 2011

sleeping bags a weapon of war?

what's next, panchos over tokyo?


friday, october 21, 2011

so, what do you guys think?

will obama win reelection ...

or will citizen herman make the american public an offer it can't refuse?


thursday, october 6, 2011

unique interview question, not for the faint of heart

(at the berkeley free clinic)

how many slang terms for genitals can you mention in thirty seconds ...


sunday, september 25, 2011

not all conversationalists are created equal

why is it that when you're listening to half a cellphone conversation ...

their half is always wordier than the other half ...


friday, august 12, 2011

too many shallow, one-dimensional patriots

i call them 'popcorn patriots' ...


sunday, july 17, 2011

saddest tweet

pls call me b4 u leave me ...


thursday, july 14, 2011

who's buried in grant's tomb?

who was the first major leaguer to have tommy john surgery?

how many cy young awards does cy young have?

what time does the ball drop on new year's eve?


tuesday, june 14, 2011

two rules for political discourse

(1) never believe anything you hear in an election year, and

(2) every year is an election year ...


friday, may 6, 2011

a parent's dilemma

everyone wants their children to become a success ...

except, of course, by writing a best-selling tell-all book about the dysfunctional family they grew up in ...


thursday, may 5, 2011

a spiritual practice

you need to continually cleanse your body, mind & house ...

of all of the religious rituals, vocabulary & trinkets ...

you never quite get there, but the journey itself is worthwhile ...


sunday, may 1, 2011

artistic license for tattoos

if a barber has to take a hair-cutting test ...

then a tattoo artist should at least have to pass a spelling test ...


sunday, may 1, 2011

on books & flowers

a big bookstore closes ...

but the flower stand outside seems to be doing well ...

who would have thought that perishable flowers would outlast hardcover books ...


saturday, april 9, 2011

law of inverse creativity

the farther you are from your writing den ...

the better your ideas ...


saturday, april 9, 2011

putting together some ideas for my next piece of writing

most of the time i feel like a parent trying to discipline misbehaving children ...

in perpetual damage-control mode ...

people say, 'oh, they are so well-behaved' ...

you should see them when no one's looking ...


sunday, april 3, 2011

holes in your clothes

they're okay, i guess ...

if you didn't put them there yourself ...


friday, march 11, 2011

new age/neo-medieval philosophy

can someone please explain to me why humans are infinitely changeable, infinitely malleable ...

but human institutions are infinitely unchangeable, infinitely inflexible ...


friday, march 11, 2011

new york

i (heartbreak) ny ...


friday, march 11, 2011

a question

if you're a third world dictator ...

who's been lavishly supported by the american taxpayer for decades ...

do you get as part of the deal a villa on the french riviera ...

to escape to in case of a popular uprising ...

or do you have to buy it with your own stolen money?


monday, february 21, 2011

these times

may you live in mildly interesting ...

but not overly fascinating, times ...


friday, january 28, 2011

big words

they clutter the mind, taking up precious space ...

leaving less room for thought ...


friday, january 28, 2011

the workplace

perpetual self-justification ...

by way of the perpetual generation of paperwork ...


sunday, january 23, 2011

endless modern wars

perhaps it would be more accurate to call them 'shooting occupations' ...


thursday, january 20, 2011

proposed headline for the next nra newsletter

breaking news: 6 more people not killed by a handgun in arizona ...


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